Dr. Laura had it right in describing the rise of sex as a commodity. You cannot escape it, and it is permissible everywhere except, apparently, in a committed marriage. I read a 'Dear Abby" column in the paper yesterday in which a reader wrote a response to a question from a lonely husband: "I do all these nice things for my wife, and she still won't have sex with me! What can I do?"
The response? Stop pressuring your wife and being so selfish. The responder's husband also is guilty of planning numerous romantic dinners and occasions in the expectation that fun will ensue. Not so, says the responder: he should stop expecting and start merely hoping, but oh, keep up the romanticism. "Remember," she writes, "it's about what you are giving, not getting." Well, news flash - she's not giving, so he's not getting. What more does he have to give? The columnist agreed with the responder (of course).
But these days, sex outside of marriage is sacrosanct and not to be tampered with, under any circumstances. This article is astonishing in that it seems to take the men's side, yet refuses to condemn the culture of casual sex which led to the dilemma.
"And yes, sure, you can say a man doesn’t have sex if he doesn’t want a
child…but let’s discuss this as if we’re living in the real world, ‘kay?"
This is the weakest argument in the world, similar to the one used to justify giving birth control to pre-teens: "They're doing it anyway, shouldn't it be safe?" This view is defeatist, in that it assumes that we don't have the power to change society or impact our kids' development. Similar platitudes are used to advocate legalized drugs. Anyone who uses this argument has abandoned principles and ushered society to the dung heap. Sure, kids are going to have sex and people are going to do drugs, but we should not give up the fight to safeguard our principles and values.
Sex is a wonderful thing and a necessary part of marriage. It is also a profound expression of love, particularly for us guys. How many women complain that their man turns into a zombie afterwards? Ever consider that maybe we do because we've just given so much of ourselves, not just physically, but emotionally as well? I think the idea that men can have sex without emotion is a bunch of garbage, meant to blunt the empty feeling that results from casual sex. I think Dr. Laura is unique in advising couples to be each other's lovers as well as spouses. Most advice columnists and therapists give the authority to the woman to decide, and the man awaits her whim, often with the admonition that 'sex isn't that important to the relationship.' Then it must be okay for the man to look for sex elsewhere, isn't it? Give me a break!
Max Lucado had a wonderful sermon series called "Pure Sex." It's about this wonderful gift we've been given, and how to use it according to God's will. You can find it on iTunes, and I highly recommend it.
So what does all this mean? We need to continue to combat the sexualization of our culture. Teach our kids that sex outside of marriage is wrong, and encourage them to wait, no matter what the world around them says. After all, can you really trust a world that says wanting casual sex with strangers is OK, yet wanting it from your spouse is selfishness?